[The text of Alfred the Roomba's shaming sign: "I got a hold of my mom's Apple headphones and chewed them up."]
The other day at work, I got a notification on my phone saying that Alfred needed his main brushes cleaned out. I rolled my eyes, because I had just cleaned out his brushes earlier this week, and it sounded like he was being a drama queen.
I came home for lunch and found Alfred sitting in the middle of the living room floor. I rolled my eyes again. But then I looked up, and there in his vacuum tracks path, looking utterly steamrolled, was a white cord. My heart filled with dread.
I don't know how he got them, because I certainly didn't leave them on the floor. But Alfred made a snack out of my Apple headphones. You might notice that one of the ear buds has been chewed right off. Want to know where I found it?
Alfred, you jerk.