Ungenerous Descriptions of Disliked Food

As a small creative writing exercise, here are some ungenerous descriptions of food I don't like. If you'd like to guess what they are, the answers are provided at the bottom. As a fair warning, this post might induce you to lose your appetite.

Also, I make no apologies for any of these descriptions. I stand by what I say. If you like these foods, you probably need to reevaluate your life.

1. Gross, cold, mustard-flavored mush with little boogers mixed into it.

2. Rubbery vegetables that weren't meant to be sugary sweet but, for some reason, are, and somehow manage to be both crunchy and mushy simultaneously.

3. A whitish thing that's definitely not liquid but too mushy to be a solid, and it used to be filled with this dry, crumbly yellow stuff, but somebody had the bright idea to pull the crumbly stuff out, mix it with gunk and boogers, and then put it back in. As if that made it any better.

4. Leafy lumps that look small but still manage to take up all the room in your mouth, and they disintegrate into warm mush and spread their juicy dirt taste all over your mouth when you eat them.

5. Acidic, sour ooze that hides on your cheeseburger and stabs little pitchforks into your tongue when you least expect it.

6. An entire jar of soggy boogers swimming in their disturbingly sweet sweat.

7. Minuscule fire bombs that don't taste like anything- they just hit your tongue and start searing and burning and eating away at it. Like hot acid, only dry.

8. Chicken, but... it's smelly... and the texture is just... off, somehow.

9. Tiny shreds of chewy, limp, soggy, stringy idiocy stewed in bile... and there are so many of them.

10. An insult to fruit. So nice to smell, and so sweet on your tongue, but then you bite into it and you chew it and chew it and chew it, but it resists the grinding prowess of even your toughest molars and hangs around in your mouth all stringy and hairy even as it continues to tease you with a sweet, sunny, tropical taste that makes you confused about whether you want to spit it out.



Answers:
1. Potato salad
2. Dill pickles
3. Deviled eggs
4. Brussels sprouts
5. Mustard
6. Relish
7. Pepper
8. Fish. Any kind. It's all the same, no matter what anyone says.
9. Sauerkraut
10. Coconut

I Saved You From Moldy Tomatoes

I threw away the moldiest tomatoes earlier. They were gross. They had giant pits full of mold. Orange mold. Black mold. White mold. They were soft and squishy. The mold was only growing on the bottom, so I didn't see it until I picked up a tomato to look at it, after which I screamed and dropped it.

I almost took a picture to post on this blog, just so you could see how moldy these tomatoes were. But then I thought to myself, "Naaahh, I'm not going to unleash that mess on the Internet. I'm not gonna do that to my readers."

I spared you. Because I care.

(And before you go judging me for having rotten produce in my refrigerator, I share that fridge with three other people. I'm only going to accept a quarter of the blame.)