Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Minecraft Walkthrough Creative Writing Assignment

Hey, y'all! So I'm taking this creative writing class about games (athletic games, video games, card games, probably mind games, too). One of the topics for our next workshop session is games as walkthroughs or something to that effect. I decided to write out a Let's Play video of a guy playing Minecraft.

I think it's kinda fun. There was a lot of heavier, more emotional, more thoughtful stuff in our last workshop, so I wanted to change things up a little bit with some humor. I thought it sounded just like the kind of thing I like to post on my blog, so here you go! Enjoy!



Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of Tony Plays Minecraft! Be There or Be Cubed! Hahaha!

Thanks to everyone who shared, liked, and commented on the last episode. You guys are the best! Except everyone who said my Eiffel Tower looks like an emo Christmas tree. You guys are officially the worst.

So since we wrapped up the Eiffel Tower last time (and by “we,” I mean “I,” since technically I’m the only one who worked on it), I need to head on down to my mineshaft and find some more diamond because my pickaxe is going to break soon. Not cool.

So here we go, out of my Beverly Hills mansion (because I know you guys love it when I say that), aaaaand the dog is stuck behind the door again. Get over here, Roger. I still hate that name, in case you were wondering. Thank you, subscribers, for picking the name Roger for my vicious hound. I still love you, though.

Bee-tee-dubs, if you haven’t subscribed yet, there’s still room in my heart for you! Just click the magic button.

All righty, then! If you’re tuning in for the first time, this is my world: EsTonya. Get it? It’s funny because my name is Tony.

We’re gonna double-tap the forward key here to sprint because creepers like to hang out around here and I just can’t get rid of them. You guys, I’ve been blown up by too many mother-fracking creepers this week…

And here we are at the mineshaft! Anybody else find that word kinda awkward to say? No? Just me? Okay, then, Tony’s brain is stuck in the gutter.

Oh, there’s Roger. Took you long enough, you idiot dog.
                                                                    
Sorry, I forgot you guys don’t like it when I bully him.

Anyway, here we are, spelunking like a pro, climbing down the mineshaft at the speed of light as we look for the elusive blue gem that will let me—

What? How’d a cow get down here? I keep the door to this mineshaft shut! You, sir, are a trespasser. And do you know what I do to trespassers?

I FEED THEM TO MY DOG! NYAHHH!

Yep, that’s right. Nothing stands a chance against my diamond sword. Booyah! No, wait, that was last month’s catchphrase. This month’s one was… Uhhhhh…

I’ll think of it sooner or later. Anyway. Yeah. Here, Roger. Have some cow carcass. Eat it and dream of a better name. Like Zombie Gnawer. Or Twilight Link. Seriously, you guys, how could you not vote for Twilight Link?

Anyway. Going along. Gonna take this tunnel to the left since I’ve never been down this way before and everyone keeps telling me to go this way. Are you happy now?

Torch here, torch there, torch here, torch for you, two torches over here, four for you, Glen Coco… If you’re new to this beautiful, cubey world of Minecraft, we have to be sure to light up all the dark places so monsters can’t spawn in them. I mean, I’m not afraid of monsters or anything, but I just—OH GOD WAS THAT A—nope. Nope, I’m okay. Juuuust kidding.

Constant vigilance is the key when playing Minecraft. Just like Mad-Eye Moody says in Harry Potter. Those were awesome books. Harry and Hermione should’ve gotten together. Go ahead, start a war in the comments. I’ll be looking for it.

So… yeah. I guess I’ll just pick a random spot in this wall and start mining my way through. Hopefully I’ll run into some diamonds before my pickaxe WHAT. WHERE DID THE GROUND GO?

Okay, everybody, we’ve just found a brand new lake of lava. I’m going to attempt to build a bridge across it because it looks like there’s some stable ground on the other side. I’m going to use cobblestone since I happen to have some, and I’m going to hold down the shift key as I lean out over the edge so I don’t fall into that pit of lava-y death. That would suck.

Doot, doot, doot. Simple, easy, just placing some cobblestone one after another and WHOA. STOP. ROGER. STOP IT, ROGER. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ROOM FOR BOTH—

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE LAVA NOT THE LAVA NO I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE AAAAGH I’M ON FIRE!

Land! Found land. Gotta put out the fire… Where’s my water bucket? What the hell, man! Uh… Uh…  Maybe I’ll try running around… Uhhh, I’ll try building a box of stone around myself? Uhhhh, nothing’s working and I’m still on fire, and-- You know what? Screw it. Screw all of this.

There. Yeah, I know, you guys think it’s totally lame when I switch to the “peaceful” difficulty when my health gets too low, but you know what? Shut up.

Okay. All healed up, switching back to hard. Did Roger burn up in the lava? Good. Oh, wait, no, there he is. Stupid dog. I should kill you right now.

All right. Guess I’ll wander around down here for a while. Not like I really know how to get back up.

OOOH! Ooooh, you guys! Look! It’s diamond! I finally found some! It took my dog pushing me into a pit of lava, but it was totally worth it! Ladies, if you’re looking for a new best friend, might I suggest you stop by my place tonight and let me set you up with a diamond? Yeah, just kidding, I’m using all of these to make a new pickaxe and armor.

Hey! Stupid spider, that hurt! Yeah, that’s right, you get that spider, Roger! It’s the least you could do after shoving me into the lava. Stupid mutt.

HEY. Don’t you hurt my dog, you stupid spider! Hey! Hey! Stop! No! Roger! Noooooo!

You killed my dog! You killed Roger! I’m gonna kill you, you stupid, oversized bug! You die now! Aaaaaaaaaagh!

And now I’m alone down here in this cave. Just me. And the monsters. And all of you watching this video. No offense, but this is depressing.

Might as well mine this diamond. Let’s see—one, two, three, four-five, six… Six diamond blocks! Not bad. Guess I should go find my crafting box before anything OH GOD CREEPER NO!

NOOOOO CREEPER STAY AWAY FROM ME AAAAAHHH I’LL NEVER FIND MY WAY BACK DOWN HERE IF I DIIIIEEEE okay, okay, I think I’ve lost it OH GOD THERE’S ANOTHER—

NOOOOOO!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! GAH—JEEZ—FRACK—AAAUUGHHH.

Well. I died. All my stuff is lying at the bottom of that mineshaft, somewhere in the vicinity of the lava lake. And I’m pretty sure I’ll never find it before it all de-spawns.

I think that’s all for today.


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