Happy Valentine's Day 2021

Dear Valentine,

 

Roses are red,

Creepers are green.

You are the sweetest thing

I've ever seen!

Chickens are white,

Cobblestone's gray.

If Pillagers attack you,

I'll make them pay.

Mooshrooms are funny,

A compass points true.

My world is better

Because of you!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Usually I draw Valentine pictures by hand, but this year, I was inspired at the last minute to create something on Minecraft instead.

How about a lovely afternoon picnic, Valentine? You deserve to take some time for yourself, have a nice meal, and be comfortable for a while!

This scene is composed of:

- red concrete

- red and white carpet

- 2 lanterns

- various flowers

(And my friends who play on this server with me don't know I'm making this blog post, so if they stumble across this hilltop, they will be very confused.)

Of course, if afternoon's not your style, we could always have a twilight picnic instead...

(Just watch out for monsters.)

Thank you for checking out my blog! If you're reading this, I consider you my Valentine, and I hope your life is filled with love of all different kinds! The world wouldn't be the same without you, so thanks for being you!

You Got The Thing You Weren't Looking For But Are Excited To See Anyway!

(Click for full view)

I have misplaced my Photoshop Elements disc. This wouldn't normally be a problem, since I installed it on my computer a year ago, but for some reason, it has stopped working and keeps giving me an error message saying I need to reinstall the program.

I was wracking my brain this evening, trying to figure out where I would've put the disc, when it occurred to me that I might have put it in a huge file box I keep on my bottom shelf. I opened up the box and...

I found the cute canvas tote that I thought was lost forever!

I didn't actually find the disc. But hope springs eternal, and now I have a handy way to carry my pool towels when the weather gets warmer. I was so excited to find it that I almost lifted it high over my head à la Legend of Zelda and sang my happiness to the world. Luckily, I remembered to be courteous of my poor roommates, who already have to put up with that sound as my text message ringtone. Thanks for being awesome, roommates!

Minecraft Walkthrough Creative Writing Assignment

Hey, y'all! So I'm taking this creative writing class about games (athletic games, video games, card games, probably mind games, too). One of the topics for our next workshop session is games as walkthroughs or something to that effect. I decided to write out a Let's Play video of a guy playing Minecraft.

I think it's kinda fun. There was a lot of heavier, more emotional, more thoughtful stuff in our last workshop, so I wanted to change things up a little bit with some humor. I thought it sounded just like the kind of thing I like to post on my blog, so here you go! Enjoy!

Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of Tony Plays Minecraft! Be There or Be Cubed! Hahaha!

Thanks to everyone who shared, liked, and commented on the last episode. You guys are the best! Except everyone who said my Eiffel Tower looks like an emo Christmas tree. You guys are officially the worst.

So since we wrapped up the Eiffel Tower last time (and by “we,” I mean “I,” since technically I’m the only one who worked on it), I need to head on down to my mineshaft and find some more diamond because my pickaxe is going to break soon. Not cool.

So here we go, out of my Beverly Hills mansion (because I know you guys love it when I say that), aaaaand the dog is stuck behind the door again. Get over here, Roger. I still hate that name, in case you were wondering. Thank you, subscribers, for picking the name Roger for my vicious hound. I still love you, though.

Bee-tee-dubs, if you haven’t subscribed yet, there’s still room in my heart for you! Just click the magic button.

All righty, then! If you’re tuning in for the first time, this is my world: EsTonya. Get it? It’s funny because my name is Tony.

We’re gonna double-tap the forward key here to sprint because creepers like to hang out around here and I just can’t get rid of them. You guys, I’ve been blown up by too many mother-fracking creepers this week…

And here we are at the mineshaft! Anybody else find that word kinda awkward to say? No? Just me? Okay, then, Tony’s brain is stuck in the gutter.

Oh, there’s Roger. Took you long enough, you idiot dog.

                                                                    

Sorry, I forgot you guys don’t like it when I bully him.

Anyway, here we are, spelunking like a pro, climbing down the mineshaft at the speed of light as we look for the elusive blue gem that will let me—

What? How’d a cow get down here? I keep the door to this mineshaft shut! You, sir, are a trespasser. And do you know what I do to trespassers?

I FEED THEM TO MY DOG! NYAHHH!

Yep, that’s right. Nothing stands a chance against my diamond sword. Booyah! No, wait, that was last month’s catchphrase. This month’s one was… Uhhhhh…

I’ll think of it sooner or later. Anyway. Yeah. Here, Roger. Have some cow carcass. Eat it and dream of a better name. Like Zombie Gnawer. Or Twilight Link. Seriously, you guys, how could you not vote for Twilight Link?

Anyway. Going along. Gonna take this tunnel to the left since I’ve never been down this way before and everyone keeps telling me to go this way. Are you happy now?

Torch here, torch there, torch here, torch for you, two torches over here, four for you, Glen Coco… If you’re new to this beautiful, cubey world of Minecraft, we have to be sure to light up all the dark places so monsters can’t spawn in them. I mean, I’m not afraid of monsters or anything, but I just—OH GOD WAS THAT A—nope. Nope, I’m okay. Juuuust kidding.

Constant vigilance is the key when playing Minecraft. Just like Mad-Eye Moody says in Harry Potter. Those were awesome books. Harry and Hermione should’ve gotten together. Go ahead, start a war in the comments. I’ll be looking for it.

So… yeah. I guess I’ll just pick a random spot in this wall and start mining my way through. Hopefully I’ll run into some diamonds before my pickaxe WHAT. WHERE DID THE GROUND GO?

Okay, everybody, we’ve just found a brand new lake of lava. I’m going to attempt to build a bridge across it because it looks like there’s some stable ground on the other side. I’m going to use cobblestone since I happen to have some, and I’m going to hold down the shift key as I lean out over the edge so I don’t fall into that pit of lava-y death. That would suck.

Doot, doot, doot. Simple, easy, just placing some cobblestone one after another and WHOA. STOP. ROGER. STOP IT, ROGER. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ROOM FOR BOTH—

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE LAVA NOT THE LAVA NO I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE AAAAGH I’M ON FIRE!

Land! Found land. Gotta put out the fire… Where’s my water bucket? What the hell, man! Uh… Uh…  Maybe I’ll try running around… Uhhh, I’ll try building a box of stone around myself? Uhhhh, nothing’s working and I’m still on fire, and-- You know what? Screw it. Screw all of this.

There. Yeah, I know, you guys think it’s totally lame when I switch to the “peaceful” difficulty when my health gets too low, but you know what? Shut up.

Okay. All healed up, switching back to hard. Did Roger burn up in the lava? Good. Oh, wait, no, there he is. Stupid dog. I should kill you right now.

All right. Guess I’ll wander around down here for a while. Not like I really know how to get back up.

OOOH! Ooooh, you guys! Look! It’s diamond! I finally found some! It took my dog pushing me into a pit of lava, but it was totally worth it! Ladies, if you’re looking for a new best friend, might I suggest you stop by my place tonight and let me set you up with a diamond? Yeah, just kidding, I’m using all of these to make a new pickaxe and armor.

Hey! Stupid spider, that hurt! Yeah, that’s right, you get that spider, Roger! It’s the least you could do after shoving me into the lava. Stupid mutt.

HEY. Don’t you hurt my dog, you stupid spider! Hey! Hey! Stop! No! Roger! Noooooo!

You killed my dog! You killed Roger! I’m gonna kill you, you stupid, oversized bug! You die now! Aaaaaaaaaagh!

And now I’m alone down here in this cave. Just me. And the monsters. And all of you watching this video. No offense, but this is depressing.

Might as well mine this diamond. Let’s see—one, two, three, four-five, six… Six diamond blocks! Not bad. Guess I should go find my crafting box before anything OH GOD CREEPER NO!

NOOOOO CREEPER STAY AWAY FROM ME AAAAAHHH I’LL NEVER FIND MY WAY BACK DOWN HERE IF I DIIIIEEEE okay, okay, I think I’ve lost it OH GOD THERE’S ANOTHER—

NOOOOOO!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! GAH—JEEZ—FRACK—AAAUUGHHH.

Well. I died. All my stuff is lying at the bottom of that mineshaft, somewhere in the vicinity of the lava lake. And I’m pretty sure I’ll never find it before it all de-spawns.

I think that’s all for today.

Don’t forget to subscribe.

What's Incredible

You know what's incredible?

Some people make money by making videos of themselves playing video games.

Imagine someone trying to do that, like, ten years ago- the year 2004. YouTube didn't exist yet. The Xbox 360 wouldn't come out for another year. We didn't even have iPhones yet.

Imagine the following conversation:

"Hey, Bill!"
"Hi, Chuck! Hey, didja see Battlestar Galactica last night?"
"Nah, went to see the third Harry Potter movie. Was it good?"
"Of course it was. Hey, have you figured out what you're gonna do now that you've lost your job?"
"Actually, I have. I've decided that I'm going to make videos of myself playing video games. I'll post them on the Internet, and when people watch them, I'll make money from the advertising they'll have to watch."
"...what?"
"It'll work, man. You'll see."
"Why would anyone care about some random guy playing a video game?"
"I don't know... I'll do funny voices or something."
"Get a real job."

According to Wikipedia, the great-granddaddy of the Let's Play video was Something Awful's screenshot playthrough of The Oregon Trail in 2006. You can see how far we've come since then.

(As a side note, WOW! Oregon Trail! In first through third grade, they used to take us to the computer lab and let us play that! On the reeeeally old Mac computers.)

So people really can make money by making Let's Play videos. Want an example? Just look at PewDiePie (but be warned that sometimes he says bad words. Ooooooooooohhh.). Plays video games, kicks butt, screams a lot, gets a check from YouTube.

There are a bunch of people who have made an entire career out of making YouTube videos. Like, they don't have other jobs (although they might work on other profitable projects, as well). My personal favorites (who, as fair warning, also sometimes say bad words) are jacksfilms and Tobuscus, and all their related channels.

It's kind of crazy to see how many people are making money by posting videos on YouTube. Thanks to the Internet, the world is becoming increasingly self-published. People can create art, videos, and books and make money off them without going through the traditional film companies or publishers.

People have suggested to me quite often that I write a book and publish it for Kindle. I am not quite ready to abandon the traditional route of publishing (and it'll also be a miracle if I ever finish writing a book. You've seen my NaNoWriMo efforts). I just feel like the final product is much more polished that way, since there are a ton of people whose job it is to put books together and you also have an editor who is not afraid to tell you when something you've written is garbage and needs to be changed. Granted, not every traditionally published book is good (there are a few doozies I could talk about in a different post), but I think that there's really something to be said for a trained and experienced editor collaborating with (or I guess sometimes bringing down the hammer on) authors to create the best book possible. That's not to say that self-published books can't be good; some of them are excellent.

It's the same with these videos- none of them have the production quality of big blockbuster films because these poor people are working with the revenue they get from ads, but they're still fun to watch.

I think traditionally-published and self-published art can coexist peacefully. And I commend anyone who makes a living from either method.