The Most Confusing Slice of Pizza I've Ever Eaten

The Most Confusing Slice of Pizza I've Ever Eaten

A Play in One Act

Dramatis Personae

Rebecca

A recent college graduate

Neighbor Man

Some man sitting with his friends and family on the sidewalk

Neighbors

Two fathers, two mothers, assorted small children

(A neighborhood cul-de-sac. The NEIGHBORS sit on the sidewalk. REBECCA enters stage left, slowing to a walk after running around the neighborhood. She is listening to music through headphones.)

  

REBECCA: (walks past the families at a fast pace, exits stage right)

 

NEIGHBORS: (eat pizza while sitting on the sidewalk, enjoying the weather)

 

REBECCA: (enters stage right, still walking quickly)

ALL NEIGHBORS: (whisper to each other)

NEIGHBOR MAN: (waves frantically at REBECCA, gesticulating at pizza box)

 

REBECCA: (confused, approaches NEIGHBOR MAN and takes off headphones) Sorry?

NEIGHBOR MAN: You're working hard, exercising. How about a slice of pizza? (holds up a slice of pizza)

 

REBECCA: (aside) This man just offered me a slice of pizza-- the ultimate sign of friendship! I'm not exactly in the mood for food at the moment, but how could I refuse? It's such a friendly gesture! (to NEIGHBOR MAN) Are you sure?

NEIGHBOR MAN: (slightly taken aback) You're out here walking around, huffing and puffing, and you want this slice of pizza?

REBECCA: (laughs) I've got this! (aside) This is strange. He seems reluctant to give me the pizza.

NEIGHBOR MAN: Well... All right, you called my bluff. Here you go. (hands REBECCA a slice of pizza)

 

REBECCA: (accepts the pizza and begins to shuffle back toward the street) Thank you.

NEIGHBOR MAN: (turns to the other NEIGHBORS) You owe me a slice of pizza!

 

(REBECCA walks downstage. LIGHTS DOWN on the NEIGHBORS, SPOTLIGHT on REBECCA)

 

REBECCA: I am so confused. If the man didn't want to give me pizza, why did he offer in the first place? Was it some sort of bet? Am I the victim of a cruel joke? Did I just take his dinner? (beat) Well, it serves him right. First of all, he shouldn't be messing with people like that. Second of all, you should never expect a young adult to turn down free pizza. That's just stupid.

(She takes a bite of the pizza.)

 

REBECCA: This is really good pizza.

(Curtain.)

Karate Body

So I've been taking karate classes twice a week for the past three-ish weeks. I'm having a really good time with it. It's a lot of fun, and I feel like I'm really starting to discipline my mind and body.

I'm getting better at the push-ups and sit-ups that Sensei makes us do. Except every time I get used to the exercise, she adds on more repetitions or mixes it up and makes it more "interesting."

I'm just having flashbacks of being too wimpy to earn my Wii Fit trainer's approval.

But that's okay! It's okay that I'm not there yet. I'm going to get there! Day by day, bit by bit. I can do this.