First World Problems: Pizza

Today my family wanted to go out to a pizza restaurant for dinner, but I wasn't hungry at the time because I had eaten a late lunch.

That's a first world problem if I've ever heard one.

The Most Confusing Slice of Pizza I've Ever Eaten

The Most Confusing Slice of Pizza I've Ever Eaten

A Play in One Act

Dramatis Personae

Rebecca

A recent college graduate

Neighbor Man

Some man sitting with his friends and family on the sidewalk

Neighbors

Two fathers, two mothers, assorted small children

(A neighborhood cul-de-sac. The NEIGHBORS sit on the sidewalk. REBECCA enters stage left, slowing to a walk after running around the neighborhood. She is listening to music through headphones.)

  

REBECCA: (walks past the families at a fast pace, exits stage right)

 

NEIGHBORS: (eat pizza while sitting on the sidewalk, enjoying the weather)

 

REBECCA: (enters stage right, still walking quickly)

ALL NEIGHBORS: (whisper to each other)

NEIGHBOR MAN: (waves frantically at REBECCA, gesticulating at pizza box)

 

REBECCA: (confused, approaches NEIGHBOR MAN and takes off headphones) Sorry?

NEIGHBOR MAN: You're working hard, exercising. How about a slice of pizza? (holds up a slice of pizza)

 

REBECCA: (aside) This man just offered me a slice of pizza-- the ultimate sign of friendship! I'm not exactly in the mood for food at the moment, but how could I refuse? It's such a friendly gesture! (to NEIGHBOR MAN) Are you sure?

NEIGHBOR MAN: (slightly taken aback) You're out here walking around, huffing and puffing, and you want this slice of pizza?

REBECCA: (laughs) I've got this! (aside) This is strange. He seems reluctant to give me the pizza.

NEIGHBOR MAN: Well... All right, you called my bluff. Here you go. (hands REBECCA a slice of pizza)

 

REBECCA: (accepts the pizza and begins to shuffle back toward the street) Thank you.

NEIGHBOR MAN: (turns to the other NEIGHBORS) You owe me a slice of pizza!

 

(REBECCA walks downstage. LIGHTS DOWN on the NEIGHBORS, SPOTLIGHT on REBECCA)

 

REBECCA: I am so confused. If the man didn't want to give me pizza, why did he offer in the first place? Was it some sort of bet? Am I the victim of a cruel joke? Did I just take his dinner? (beat) Well, it serves him right. First of all, he shouldn't be messing with people like that. Second of all, you should never expect a young adult to turn down free pizza. That's just stupid.

(She takes a bite of the pizza.)

 

REBECCA: This is really good pizza.

(Curtain.)