A Trip to Church: A Play in One Act

A Trip to Church

A Play in One Act

Dramatis Personae

Rebecca

An editorial intern. New to the city of Richmond

and rather afraid of its streets. Not good at

navigation.

Car

A 2014 Ford Fiesta hatchback. Silver. Equipped

with Sync system. Loves to drive and is very

optimistic.

GPS

The Google Maps app on Rebecca's iPhone.

Renowned for reliability and a veteran

at saving Rebecca's bacon.

Setting: Various streets of Richmond and a parking garage. REBECCA and GPS are inside CAR.

REBECCA: Okay, guys. Let's get going to church. This is a little bit later than I wanted to leave, but we still have over forty-five minutes before the service starts, so I think we'll be okay.

CAR: Oh boy! We get to go somewhere other than work!

REBECCA: I have a vague idea of where I'm going, but I'm still going to need some help. GPS?

GPS: Here's the route I think you should take.

REBECCA: Okay, let's see. This street... turn right here...

GPS: Hey! Quit dragging around on my face! I can't tell if you're trying to change the route or what. Just let me tell you when to turn.

REBECCA: I was just curious. Jeez. Okay, let's go.

CAR: Wheeeeeee! Nobody has a turning radius like mine! I'm awesome! This is exciting! You never drive me anywhere!

REBECCA: Walking's good exercise.

CAR: Who needs to be in shape if you have a zippy car like me?

GPS: Turn left here.

REBECCA: So far so good.

CAR: Can we turn on some music?

REBECCA: I'd rather not. You're not always good at switching between the iTunes and the Google Maps app. I don't want to get lost.

CAR: Aww, that was just one time.

GPS: Turn left here.

CAR: I'm great at left turns. No traffic! Yay!

REBECCA: It's only supposed to take us eight minutes to get to the church, so I think we'll be in good shape.

GPS: Head west on this street.

REBECCA: What? West? Which way is west?!

CAR: Let's go this way!

GPS: Wait, wait, wait, no! Don't-! Aaaaaaagh. Let me recalculate the route.

REBECCA: Well, sorry. How about a "left" or a "right" next time?

GPS: Still recalculating.

REBECCA: If you could hurry, that'd be nice. I don't want to get too far off track.

GPS: I'm trying to concentrate.

REBECCA: Why on earth did you take me this way anyway? I thought we were just going three blocks up the street and taking a turn on Monument.

GPS: Take the exit in one-fourth of a mile.

REBECCA: Exit? What do you mean, exit? We're not on a highway.

CAR: This is fun! Wanna see me switch lanes?

REBECCA: Okay. This is insane. I'm pulling into this convenient parking lot and we're going to sort out the right route to church.

CAR: Boooooooo! I don't wanna stop!

GPS: All right, fine. Here's the route.

REBECCA: What?! How did I get all the way out here? Why did you take me this way?

GPS: I took the information I was given and I plotted out the shortest route to get there. If you don't like it, you should be more careful the next time you plug in an address.

REBECCA: This is not my fault. How did we even get all the way out here? We're never going to make it to church on time!

GPS: Am I to blame for your inability to follow directions?

CAR: Come on, you guys. Don't fight! Let's start driving again.

REBECCA: You know what, whatever. Just get me there. Let's go.

GPS: Turn right here.

REBECCA: Fine.

CAR: Ah, the breeze blowing over my windshield on a fine Sunday morning. Doesn't driving make you feel relaxed and happy?

GPS: Go west on this road.

REBECCA: Stop saying that! I don't know which way is west! I can't stick my head out the window and judge the position of the sun! Tell me left or right!

CAR: Well... we're going east right now, if that helps.

REBECCA: Wait, so... I'm going the exact opposite of the way I want to go? Brilliant. Wonderful. This is ridiculous!

GPS: Recalculating.

REBECCA: I don't even recognize any of these buildings!

CAR: Come on, church bus! Quit blocking the road! I wanna drive!

REBECCA: Maybe we should just follow the bus and go to whatever church it ends up at.

GPS: Turn right here.

REBECCA: And then what?

CAR: It's not a good idea to look at your phone while you're driving...

REBECCA: We're at a red light. Shush. Okay, right here, left here...

CAR: Green light! Whoo! Aww, come on. Am I the only one that's happy?

REBECCA: Wait... this is the road! This is the road I'm supposed to turn right on!

CAR: Turning! Whee!

REBECCA: Hey, GPS, was there any reason you didn't tell me I was supposed to turn just then?

GPS: Turn left on Bricks Road. Turn left on Adams Street. Turn left on Caroline Road.

REBECCA: What?! Stop! Are you crazy? One at a time!

CAR: Uh, Rebecca, I think GPS is a little confused, so I'm just going to disconnect her. I bet you and I can get there! We're a good team!

REBECCA: WHAT NO NO NO I NEED THAT!!!

GPS: You disconnected me? How dare you? That's it, I'm getting off of this crazy bluetooth wagon. Good luck getting anywhere in this city without me.

CAR: Sync. Please say a command. Bing!

REBECCA: Bluetooth Audio!

CAR: Ummmm, GPS doesn't really want to talk to me right now, but I'll try to reconnect her...

REBECCA: Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

GPS: Turn left on Bricks Road.

CAR: There you are!

REBECCA: OHTHANKGOD.

GPS: At the traffic circle, take the fourth right to turn onto Monument.

REBECCA: Traffic circle? I don't see a-- oh, there.

GPS: Turn right on--

REBECCA: WAIT WAIT WAIT That's the church right next to me! And there's the sign for the parking!

CAR: Aww, here already? Hey, here's an idea-- why don't we just listen to a church on the radio and go drive around some more?

REBECCA: You, you mothertruckin' GPS, can just shut up now. I'm not listening to any more of your crazy directions.

GPS: That's some way to talk to the machine that has gotten you home every time you got lost in the city. And that was a lot of times.

REBECCA: Yeah, well, that makes it all the more disappointing that you couldn't even get me through the three turns it should have taken me to get to church. Thanks for nothing. Well, thanks for very little. I can't believe-- AAAAAAAH NO WAIT THIS IS THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ENTRANCE!!!

CAR: Hey, take a chill pill. Did you forget about the part where I have a great turning radius? And brakes. I have super brakes. And there's not even any traffic coming at us. You're awfully wound up. Hey, this ought to cheer you up-- you have almost fifteen minutes until the sermon starts! You parked kinda crooked.

REBECCA: You're small. You fit in the lines.

CAR: I sure do!

REBECCA: Car, thank you for being awesome.

CAR: No problem!

REBECCA: GPS, I'm plotting out a Facebook status in my head. Something along the lines of "Mothertruckin' GPS took me on a tour of Richmond this morning."

GPS: Do you really think that substituting the word "truckin'" for what you really mean is going to make your grandmothers any less shocked when they see your status?

REBECCA: Shut up. I'm going in now.

Curtain.

My Favorite Things

New Ford Fiestas and bread with Nutella
Sandwich for lunch next to that cool Sales fella
Out on the deck-- the sun shines, the bird sings
These are a few of my favorite things

Not making phone calls and still getting work done
Knowing tomorrow's a day just to have fun
Netflix that plays and an iPhone that rings
These are a few of my favorite things

Hot Earl Grey Tea and a chat while it's steeping
Big, fluffy pillows so perfect for sleeping
Blogging the night away 'til my eye stings
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog barks
When the sun burns
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
AND THEN I DON'T FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL SOOOO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!


Today was a pretty good day.

I figured I owed everyone a little extra effort tonight since I didn't blog last night (although I think one night I blogged twice, so it should all even out), so I give you a parody of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. It talks, obviously, about a few of my favorite things about today. Except Netflix. I actually didn't watch Netflix at all today (GASP), but it's still one of my favorite things.

BLOG POST #200

Hey, folks! Guess what! This is my 200th blog post!

HOORAY!!!

After falling off the wagon for a while after finals (those went fine, by the way! I don't have to sing the "Let it Go" parody I wrote), I wracked my brain to think up something interesting to do for my 200th blog post. 200 is a big deal, you know?

Well, I thought and I thought, and then I was lazy and lazier, and I never really came up with a good idea. I suppose I could have done that instead of watching Justice League on Netflix, buuuuut... I like Justice League, okay?

Well, around three weeks passed, and I started getting packed up to travel to Richmond, Virginia. It occurred to me that the beginning of my internship adventure could be a fantastic way to break my impromptu hiatus and celebrate 200 blog posts.

So! Here we go, ladies and gents! I have a brand new car and a room in my aunt's house, and I am ready to take on this internship with Virginia Living magazine!

Except for just a few things.

The main thing is transportation.

I'm used to driving around in a calm, medium-sized (if that) Alabama city where the roads are smooth, wide, and well-marked, and I can park in any of the bounteous parking lots.

Soooooo yeah this driving around on the teeny-tiny, bumpy, one-way, poorly marked Richmond roads where the drivers are more aggressive and the only parking is the parallel kind is... kinda hard.

Like, seriously, parallel parking isn't even on the driver's test in Alabama. None of my high school classmates learned to do it through our high school driver's ed class. I'm still in the process of mastering it. Like, I did it successfully by myself for the first time a few hours ago. On a residential road with no traffic.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp somebody help me heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp

Well, that just means that tomorrow is going to be an adventure. I'd be lying if I said I weren't extremely nervous. But you know what? It's okay! Everything's gonna be oooookay. I'm feeling optimistic. Putting my best foot forward.

Richmond seems like a pretty cool city so far. There are three Starbucks in walking distance of my aunt's house. We walked one of her dogs to one of them this morning. This part of the city seems pretty walker and biker friendly. It was a nice day, too! Not too hot. Not windy. Nice and sunny. We passed by several runners and fellow walkers with dogs or strollers.

The folks at Starbucks were pretty friendly, and I enjoyed my green tea lemonade. We walked back to the house and I unpacked a bit.

Later on, I watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy with my aunt. My conclusion is that I'm pretty sure it's a fantastic movie but I'm going to need to rewatch it because I had a few lapses in attention and I'm not really sure what was happening in some parts.

After the movie, we went to Burger Bach, a burger place in (or at least close to) Carytown, which is a popular shopping and dining district in Richmond, with kind of a downtown feeling. That was a pretty good burger! According to the menu, they're New Zealand-inspired. The meat was very fresh. The fries were really tasty, too! We got a large bowl of fries, which came with two dipping sauces.

Then I fueled up my car at a gas station. The Ford Fiesta gets absolutely lovely gas mileage, but the tank does, in fact, run low sometimes.

Then I drove through Richmond like a crazy person, baffled and bemused by all the one-way roads, traffic circles, skinny lanes, brick roads, and spotty painted lines. I did not intend to drive like a crazy person, but... I mean, I'm already kinda rusty on my driving since I haven't had a car for the past three years, and I'm not used to this kind of driving. But nobody died! So I call it a success.

Now it's definitely time to turn in. Tomorrow's my first day at my internship! I've got to get to sleep so I can hopefully drive less like a crazy person tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

This is the beginning of my adventure!

Happy 200th Blog Post! Thanks for reading!