Monday, June 17, 2013

A Tale of Terror in Tours

For maximum effect, this tale of terror will be told as a stream of consciousness.

[certain vulgarities have been modified]

Aaah! Thunder! What? We're having a storm? This isn't fair! I just went to bed, like... what time is it? Like, three hours ago! Ughhhhh! I'm going to roll over and try to ignore it.

Okay, all this thunder and lightning is really hard to ignore. Jeez. This is soooooo not fair. I have to get up for school in the morning! In, like... two hours! I need those two hours of sleep! Okay, okay, quit freaking out and try to go back to sleep. It's just a little noise. And some light. You're not five years old anymore. You can handle a storm.

AAAAAAAH! Okay, that was really loud. I'm allowed to freak out over that one.

Is that... hail?

Yeah, that's hail, all right. Wow. Been a while since I've been in a hail storm. I guess that's kind of cool. I mean, if we have to have a storm, might as well have an interesting one, right?


Oh, okay. Okay. It's okay. I guess some hail just fell down the chimney. The fireplace is blocked off-- it can't get in. I'm okay.

I think the hail's getting--

The hail is definitely getting worse. Holy cow. Oh my goodness. It sounds huge. And-- whoa. Whoa, it's really coming down! Oh, dang. Oh, this isn't good. It's all over the roof now! What is it, three inches thick? And it keeps coming down the chimney. And jeez, listen to it crash into the window! What if the window breaks? Okay, that's probably not likely. I don't think a hail storm would normally break your average window... But... But just listen to it! It's gonna break! I think it's actually gonna break! It's gonna shatter and send thick shards of glass shooting all over the room! It's gonna kill me! I gotta do something!

I gotta do something! But-- what?!

Okay. Tornado mode. Just pretend like it's a tornado. Better safe than sorry, right? What do we do? Get out of bed. Get away from the windows-- into the hallway. Go! Go now! Gogogo! Wait, take these blankets with you! They might come in handy to... I don't know, protect you from something! Ack, can't see, don't have my contacts-- It's okay, it's okay, just go. Going now... Don't break, don't break, don't break... Okay. Get the door open. I have to go to the bathroom. But that's not important right now, just open the door! Okay. Door's open--

AGH. I forgot there's a skylight out here! That's sure to break! I have nowhere to go! I'm screwed! I'm gonna die! Back in the room, back in the room! Shut the door! What do I do now? Nowhere's safe! I'll just... I'll stand here in the corner by the door. It's pretty far from the window, and I've got some protection behind the wardrobe. Aaaaahhhh it's still coming down! It's everywhere! It's like there's an army out there firing on the house and any second now they're gonna break through! And there's nothing I can do except huddle here in the dark with these blankets clutched against my chest and-

Wait. Turn on the light, you dummy.

Wow. That's better. Much better. Still loud, but not nearly as frightening. Actually, I think it's letting up.

Yeah. The hail's stopped. Okay, I'm getting back in bed. This has been a rather unfriendly turn of events, but the window didn't break and maybe I can even get those two hours of sleep. Oh, speaking of the window, I wonder if it's cracked or anything. I'll just pull back the curtain and have a look. Nope, no cracks. But what's that weird orangey light down in the street...?

SOMETHING'S ON FIRE IT'S FIRE OH MY GOSH SOMEONE'S HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN! I can't see it, but I can see the light and it smells funny and what do I do?! I have to wake up everyone else! I have to call the fire department-- How do I report a fire in French?! I have to go make sure the family in the burning house makes it out! Oh! Jeez! I gotta go! Our own house could catch fire at any second! We gotta get out! We gotta--

You know...


I think that's the streetlight.

Yeah, that's not a fire. It's a streetlight.

I'm going to bed.

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